Get By With a Little Help from Your Friends

The weather last month was brutal where I live. In fact, it was brutal almost everywhere. With temperatures struggling to get above zero and snow piling on top of snow, it was even worse for people like me who struggle with mobility problems. When winter weather is at its worst, we can barely leave our homes. Even when the weather breaks, the aftermath continues to limit our outings. Sand, salt, gravel and semi-frozen precipitation are just as likely to cause a fall, as snow and ice. Going anywhere in conditions like that is a calculated gamble.

The older I get, the less I want to gamble. I don’t want to break a hip, my one good arm or my semi-functional leg. Plus, the prospect of going to an emergency room during a pandemic is even more daunting than usual. Because of this, I spent most of this winter hiding in my house and slowly turning calendar pages while waiting for spring to arrive. As much as winter weather limits me, my pride can be just as limiting.

Last month, on a sunny day when the temperature hit 50 degrees, and the snow was quickly melting, my monthly lunch meeting with a friend and mentor appeared on my calendar. Because of the weather, we had missed our last two meetings. Though the weather was perfect for an outing that day, I knew that going out for lunch would entail facing the surface obstacles I just mentioned. I also knew that I could probably pull it off, if I pushed my pride aside and asked my friends for help.

Most people don’t have the mobility problems that I have, but many of us let pride get in the way of asking for help. We want the world to see us as able to handle anything that comes our way, and we don’t want to inconvenience anyone by asking for help. Though independence and consideration of others are admirable traits, they can also be limiting, if we resist asking for help when we need it and when others are so willing.

We’re all going to need to ask for help at some point, if we’re blessed to live long enough to experience the natural physical challenges of aging. It’s hard for most of us to imagine, and it’s even more difficult to accept, but there will be a day that we can’t do things that we used to do without thinking, like going out on a wintery day. Because of the physical disability that I was blessed with, I experienced that about thirty years ahead of schedule.

A funny thing happens when we’re forced to ask our friends for help: we get to see just how much they care for us and how helpful they’re willing to be. That’s tremendously reassuring, and it reminds us just how valuable friends can be.

On that sunny Tuesday, I shared my concerns with my lunch companion who told me to wait in my vehicle if I arrived before he did, so that he could ensure that I made it into the restaurant safely. I also messaged the owner of the restaurant with whom I have been friends for a long time, and I asked him if he could sweep away the debris in front of the restaurant. I didn’t want to burden anyone, but I also didn’t want to miss a lunch that I had been looking forward to, especially on a nice February day. Both of my friends stepped up, and I was able to enjoy a lunch without anxiety. That wouldn’t have been possible, if I hadn’t been honest and had the courage to ask for the help that I needed.

The next time you need help, don’t hesitate to ask for it, especially from your friends. You might be surprised how much people care for you, and after a while, you won’t be surprised at all. You will just be grateful, and being grateful is a good way to live.