Make Yourself Happy, Give the World a Break

Driving in heavy traffic brings out the worst in me. Normally a positive, happy individual, when I’m behind the steering wheel, encountering drivers who impede my progress, I’m anything but happy and positive. That happened to me a couple of weeks ago, in the last two hours of a 500-mile drive. Though I wasn’t at my best, I developed a coping mechanism that I’m trying to use in other aspects of my life.

When I’m driving, I instinctively define other motorists by their driving styles. The Mazda compact with Iowa plates who hung out in the passing lane and drove at a fluctuating pace was an inconsiderate moron. The pick-up truck with a Skutt sticker who raced past me, before turning abruptly into my lane just ahead of me and then slowing, was a dangerous jackass. I described others with even more colorful language, yet none of it improved my situation or made me feel any better.

I only started to feel better when I used my imagination to envision good people who were having bad days as drivers. It wasn’t easy, but I tried to create sympathetic situations and forgivable characters that would make me feel better about the strangers around me. The Mazda-driving Iowan became a college student who was driving home to visit a gravely ill family member. She was too distracted by her thoughts to worry about maintaining a consistent pace. The pick-up driver was inexperienced at interstate driving, and was doing his best not to get run over. It took some effort, but after a while, I began to see drivers as more than drivers. Their driving styles were only a small part of who they were.

Thinking about people as more than one-dimensional made me far less agitated and much happier. Back at home, I considered how this way of thinking could apply to other facets of life.

The current socio-political atmosphere has negatively affected my ability to stay positive and spiritual, and I don’t think I’m alone in this struggle. Ingesting mainstream and social media has become like driving in intense traffic. I notice myself making similar assessments of strangers, based on what I am seeing and hearing in the media, because I’m thinking of them in one dimension.

When someone posts something on social media that seems non-sensical and opposes my values, instead of firing off a snarky retort, I consider that their perspective comes from experiences unfamiliar to me, and that if given the opportunity to sit down and talk, we could find some common ground. When politicians prioritize legislation that seems misguided, instead of giving in to agitation, I think of them as people who care about the future for their families and mine. Instead of grumbling in frustration, like I did in traffic, I try to see others as multi-dimensional, and to believe that they have goodness that I just haven’t seen yet.

We’re often misled into thinking that the world is filled with adversaries who deserve our disdain. When we think like that, we’re tempted to lash out, which only serves to increase animosity. The civil unrest that we’re witnessing across the country is a good example of that negative impact.

Instead, I believe that it’s better to think that most people are good, despite what we’re led to believe. Even the simple task of looking for the good in people, especially when it’s not obvious, is calming. I know that can sound naïve, but I really don’t care what it sounds like. It helps me find peace and happiness. Try it. Maybe it will work for you too.