Craft Perspective to Achieve Inner Peace

The winner of the 2024 Masters golf tournament, Scottie Scheffler, is dominating professional golf in a way not seen since Tiger Woods’ peak years. Including the Masters, he has won three of the last four tournaments, and has been 100 strokes better than the world’s second-ranked golfer over the last two years. What he said after his most recent win revealed his not-so-guarded secret.

“Because, like I said, winning this golf tournament does not change my identity. My identity is secure, and I cannot emphasize that enough.” He continued, “”I believe that today’s plans were already laid out many years ago, and I could do nothing to mess up those plans. I have been given a gift of this talent, and I use it for God’s glory. That’s pretty much it.”

That strong sense of self was critical to his success, especially when he temporarily lost the lead in the first few holes on the tournament’s final day. Many of the world’s top golfers have collapsed when entering the final round of the Masters with the lead, the pressure and fear of losing throwing them off just enough to allow the elite competition behind them to surge ahead. That didn’t happen to Scheffler, because he had crafted his perspective to find inner peace.

Imagine if we approached life’s challenges with a similar mindset – “. . . today’s plans were already laid out many years ago, and I could do nothing to mess up those plans.” Easier said than done, I know, but it’s worth trying.

Despite being more than 25 years his senior, I’m still working on achieving the constant inner peace that Scottie Scheffler seems to have, and I suspect that I’m not alone. We forget that we don’t control as much as we think we do or might want to control, and we let minor challenges derail our perspectives. We can avoid all of that if we carefully craft our perspectives.

The first step to doing that is to trust yourself, and the first step to trusting yourself is to prepare yourself for success. Scheffler didn’t just show up at Augusta and start swinging a club. He had spent thousands of hours over his 27 years preparing for big moments like the final round of the Masters. He knows that he has done everything he can to be as good as he possibly can. When he temporarily lost the lead, he knew that all he needed to do was trust himself and his preparation.

The second step to building a carefully crafted perspective is to accept that you can’t control everything. Scheffler knew that the accuracy of his shots would be affected by elements beyond his control, like wind gusts and bad bounces. He also knew that his fellow competitors were extremely talented, and had worked hard to put themselves in contention to win the tournament. Any one of them was capable of playing the round of their lives and overtaking him. He couldn’t control that.

The final and probably most important step in building a carefully crafted perspective is to have faith that a higher power is orchestrating everything for an ideal outcome that we might not understand, but will have to accept. Having faith like that frees us from the fear of failure. If failure happens, it doesn’t change who we are.

Scottie Scheffler showed us how to succeed by remaining calm under enormous pressure. If we want to have success and find inner peace in our own lives, it’s up to us to craft our perspectives in a similar way. If we do that, there’s no way we can lose.

Good People in Disguise

I was almost finished with my workout the other day, when a gym newbie took over the last piece of equipment I needed. I had seen this guy a couple of times earlier in the week, and completely misjudged his character. The encounter that ensued had me walking away, sheepishly ashamed of my judgement and reinvigorated by a random act of kindness.

One of the blessings I enjoy from my handicap is being the beneficiary of random acts of kindness. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part, my handicap brings out the best in people, even people I’ve never met. Strangers open doors for me and go out of their way to greet me. Restaurant managers often stop by my table, just to see how I’m doing. A lady in church routinely brings me communion without me needing to ask. Those are the people I don’t know.

The people I know are always gracious, if I need an extra hand to carry something. If there’s somewhere I want to go, but can’t get there on my own, my friends and family do everything they can to help. Recently, on our annual trip to Cabo, I was even able to go deep-sea fishing for the first time, because my friends did the research and booked a charter that could accommodate me. I might have barfed in a bucket, but I went!

Maybe these things would still happen, if I were able-bodied, but I’ll never know. I do know that most people are good, even if we misjudge them.

The guy at the gym had a hairstyle that I equate with young guys who hoard equipment and pose in the mirror and take selfies between sets. Plus, he was sipping from an energy drink, and he had the audacity to start using an unoccupied piece of equipment that I was quietly planning to use in a few minutes. I think you get the point. I was being overly and unfairly harsh in my assessment of someone I had never met, and God wanted to point out my mistake.

I didn’t think that I was overt in my frustration with the situation, so imagine my surprise when he followed me out to the parking lot. There, he politely introduced himself, and asked me if I was Christian. Not wanting to be randomly evangelized, I was gracious, yet cautious in my response. He continued by saying that God told him that he needed to talk to me. Then, he read a Bible verse about God’s healing power, and he asked if he could say a prayer for me.

He explained that he truly believed that God could heal me. Ashamedly, as he was saying this, I wanted to say that God and a whole bunch of doctors have tried for decades to no avail to heal me, but I let him continue. Finally, he gently grabbed my arm and said a prayer, before excusing himself and returning to the gym.

I believe that God sends people into our lives with the messages we need to hear. The message I received that day was twofold: 1. I need to be less judgmental, and 2. Always take the time to spread kindness. My new gym friend didn’t need to expose himself to possible ridicule by putting himself in an awkward situation with a stranger, but he did, and it changed the trajectory of my week.

Look for an opportunity to spread kindness today. You don’t have to approach a stranger with a prayer. Something as simple and painless as a smile and few kind words can brighten someone’s day. Even if you don’t get the response you expect, you’ll benefit from the effort.

How’s the Book Going?

When I finally finished writing Marginal and felt that it was ready to publish, I invited a good friend of mine to breakfast to get his advice. Jeff Beals had written and published two books, one of which I was honored to consult on and edit. Furthermore, he travels the country, speaking on self-marketing. Outside of the publishing industry, there are few people more qualified to advise on the process of publishing and selling books.

Jeff was encouraging, but also very candid in his advice, saying that someone told him when he thought he was ready to publish his first book, “Congratulations on writing a book, but that’s the easy part. It’s much more difficult to get people to buy your book.” Those words have been rattling around in my skull for the two months since I published Marginal.

Initial sales were brisk and encouraging, but have since slowed down significantly. That’s not surprising, since I marketed the book primarily though my social media contacts. There are only so many books that my friends and family can buy. Now, I need to sell books to people who don’t know me or who aren’t connected to me in some other way. That’s where I can use your help.

As uncomfortable as self-promotion is, without a marketing budget behind me, it’s critical that I do it, and again, I need your help. If you have read the book, and you enjoyed it, AND you feel compelled to help, I would really appreciate it. If none of those three factors apply, don’t worry about it. Maybe you’ll like the next one.

Ways that You Can Help

Potential readers are skeptical of first-time novelists, especially if they don’t know the author. That’s why it’s critical that they are assured that the book is worth their time and money. There are three main ways that you can help me gain the credibility I need to sell more books:

Share an image of the book or a link to mitcharnold.com on your social media. In that post, relate how you enjoyed the book and/or why you recommend it. You don’t have to write an all-out review – no one expects you to be a professional book critic. A sentence or two will suffice. The accompanying image will catch more eyes than text, but if you don’t feel comfortable sharing an image, text is just fine.

Write a review on Amazon. Many active readers use Amazon to shop for books, and ratings and reviews matter to this audience. To gain credibility with these people, it’s critical that my Amazon page be active. Currently, I have only one review. I suppose that’s better than a bunch of bad reviews; still, a solo review doesn’t convey much “buzz” for the book. Again, you don’t have to write a high-level review – just a sentence or two about why the book appealed to you. The Amazon page for Marginal is here.

Encourage your friends who are avid readers to give the book a shot. For those of you who are avid readers, if you’re a member of an organization that discusses books, please consider sharing Marginal with them. Even if you’re not an avid reader, but you know someone who might enjoy the book, please recommend my book.

In a perfect world, I’d have a big-name publisher behind me, and they would have a marketing department actively promoting Marginal. That’s not the case here. In the current environment, it’s nearly impossible for a straight, white male with traditional pronouns to get an established publisher interested in reading his first manuscript, so I didn’t even try. Instead, I bet on myself and invested my time and resources in writing and publishing Marginal. Now, I can really use your help to realize my dream of writing a successful book. Thanks for your consideration and for reading this post.

Does Stumbling Disqualify Me from the Presidency?

A current political commercial includes a video clip of a politician stumbling while climbing up the stairs to Air Force One. The clip doesn’t mention the stumble, but the clear intended implication is that a president who struggles climbing stairs is unfit for office. Maybe I just don’t understand how important stair-climbing is to the duties of the United States president, but this seems like an insensitive cheap shot from the campaign of someone who purports to be deserving of the office.

Before I step on any toes, I should point out that this post isn’t intended as a political piece. Personally, I don’t care for, and won’t vote for, either of the candidates who appear to be leading the race. My issue is with using a physical handicap as a barometer for competence, and it’s personal.

Though Joe Biden is nearly 30 years older than me, he is much better at climbing stairs than I am. In fact, I don’t know if I could climb the stairs to Air Force One, but I’m sure that if I were president, someone would figure out how to get me on the plane. Sadly, that will almost certainly not happen – not because I don’t want to be president of the United States (I don’t); instead, my handicap would negatively affect my electability. A guy with obvious mobility issues like me wouldn’t have a chance to prove that he was otherwise capable and competent.

Even though a septuagenarian and an octogenarian are leading the race for the nation’s top office, we are a society that equates youth and physical appearance with competence, trust and admiration. We prefer and admire those who seem to “have it all together” over those who have obvious challenges, like the elderly and the handicapped.

Such discrimination is really no one’s fault. We’re all chasing an ideal. We want to appear as young, attractive and successful as possible, because that’s what is constantly modeled in the media and entertainment industry. Because we rarely see the elderly and disabled in key roles, we don’t consider them worthy or capable, but that blinds us to the potential of those we overlook.

Ironically, if we’re lucky, we’re all going to become old, and when we’re old, we’re likely to experience physical challenges. Though the pharmaceutical commercials want us to believe that we’re going to be active and healthy until that day that we topple over into our graves, that’s not reality. It’s much more likely that we’ll face a slow physical regression in our waning years. We’re not going to be any less viable or alive, yet the world around us will start to write us off.

I occasionally experience that, especially when I travel. Riding in my wheelchair with my wife pushing, I see check-in people at the airport, and front desk staff at hotels and restaurants, look right over my head and address my wife, while ignoring me. I get it. Time is often short, and I likely represent an obstacle to smooth check-ins. I’m also pretty sure that most people don’t handle interactions with people like me very well, because they’re unprepared and uncomfortable, and they subconsciously at least, see us as less worthy of their attention.

Don’t be that way. It’s been my experience that some of the most pleasant people you’ll meet are handicapped and/or elderly. Engage with us. Maybe even show a little compassion. We’ll likely reward your effort with a smile and maybe even inject a little optimism into your day. Most of all, don’t view our challenges as an indication of our competence, especially if you want our vote.

Don’t Let Gratitude Hibernate

Six months ago, sitting on my patio, enjoying the abundant sunshine and warmth, I thought to myself, “What a great time to be alive!” The sun shined from the time I awoke until nearly the time I went to bed. I could have the windows open to let the fresh air in, and didn’t have to wear warm, bulky clothes. Summer weather gave me a lot to be thankful for.

I thought about that moment last week, during the winter solstice. Now, I awake and eat dinner with darkness outside. The windows are closed shut, and I’m wearing layers, even inside. Though winter weather doesn’t inspire much gratitude, gratitude should not hibernate. We just need to look harder to find it.

That’s kind of the way it goes with gratitude. When we need it most, it’s the hardest to find. It’s easy to be grateful when everything seems to be going your way. The sun is shining. You’re warm and happy, and tomorrow is something you eagerly anticipate. But what about those days when there’s more darkness in your life than sunshine? When you feel that the world is giving you a cold shoulder, and you worry about what challenges tomorrow will bring?

That was most of 1993 for me. In 1992, I had wrapped up a successful college experience, and became a high school teacher. It was now time to cash in on my hard work and dedication. Everything was going to be like college, except with a little more money and a lot less worry about college classes. Unfortunately, most of my friends were back in college, and I started to feel a little separated from them. Then, right before Christmas in 1992, my long-time girlfriend dumped me. Suddenly, nothing seemed right, and gratitude very rarely crossed my mind. When I needed gratitude most, I simply couldn’t find it.

I lost a year of my life wallowing in a negative mindset, because I wasn’t yet skilled in the art of gratitude. Sure, family and friends encouraged me to focus on all that I had to be thankful for, but I was 23 years old and lacked perspective, so I put up a wall, and instead focused on all that I had lost. To live in gratitude, you must learn how to control your thoughts, and I wasn’t there yet.

Gratitude is precisely what we need during challenging times in our lives. Beyond what gratitude does for a person’s outlook on life, it’s also proven to reduce depression and anxiety, boost heart health and relieve stress – in other words, it’s almost the perfect antidote for the mental and physical complications we experience when we’re dealing with life’s darkness.

Fortunately for me, at the end of 1993 – almost to the day of getting dumped in 1992, I rekindled a romance with my future wife, and we’ve been going strong for thirty years. Still, I wish that I hadn’t ceded so much of that year to darkness.

If darkness inside or outside has you feeling down, consider adding gratitude to your daily routine. Before you get out of bed in the morning, think about things that you are thankful for, even consider writing them down or sharing them with others. When negativity creeps into your mind, which it invariably will, use gratitude as a shield, and watch those thoughts of gratitude crowd negativity right out of your mind. Be consistent with these efforts, and soon, gratitude will become a habit.

No matter how dark and cold it may get, don’t let your gratitude hibernate.

Believe in Yourself

The band was still setting up, when I rolled into Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge, in Nashville, Tennessee, at 9:30 on a Wednesday morning. Others soon followed me in. Before long, the small first floor space was packed, and the band began.

Like every band I heard during my three days on Broadway Street, this one was extremely talented and entertaining. The female lead singer was accompanied by three other musicians. Together, they performed on a very small stage tucked just inside the entrance to the bar. There were maybe 30 of us enjoying their performance that morning, and they entertained us with enthusiasm and energy that seemed out of place for a small venue on a weekday morning. That got me thinking about a musician’s life in Nashville.

To make it as an entertainer or any other type of artist, you have to share your work with as many in your target audience as you can possibly reach, in an effort to develop a following and work your way into bigger venues. For aspiring county music artists, there are few – if any – better places to do that than Nashville.

The challenge is that Nashville is loaded with talented musicians, which makes it great for music lovers like me, but it has to be daunting to the artists who want to advance their careers. How can you stand out when you are surrounded by so much competition? By being brave enough to try.

With every performance I saw, I became more impressed with, and inspired by the courage, tenacity and effort of Nashville’s musicians. There are a few exceptions, but most aren’t making much money. In fact, the bulk of their income usually comes from the tip jars that are passed around. That means that they must work hard to impress the crowd – even at 9:30 on a Wednesday morning. If the crowd isn’t happy, they can simply take their money to the next venue. These musicians aren’t playing for the money; they are playing for the chance to see their dreams become reality.

Imagine if we took the same approach with our dreams. What if we applied the same energy and enthusiasm to our Monday morning as Nashville’s musicians do when performing for tip jar money with full effort on a Wednesday morning? Imagine if we believed in ourselves and our talents enough to take even a small step toward bringing our dreams to fruition.

I have several friends who are doing just that. My friend Jeff Beals has written two books, and now flies around the country speaking to large groups. Another friend, John Hunt, released a book last year that showcases his passion for Nebraska’s Sandhills. Other friends, Tyler Harpenau, Cooper James and Janelle Grace among them, are pursuing their country music dreams. Tyler is building a following locally, while Janelle and Cooper are taking their shots on the Nashville music scene. All of them believed in themselves enough to risk sharing their talents and pursuing their dreams.

What would you do, if you didn’t fear failure? If you gambled on yourself? If you believed in yourself more than you worried about what others might think?

I’m convinced that the world is full of talented people who just haven’t taken risks. Are you one of those people? Don’t wait for everything to be “right” to act. You don’t have to quit your day job and leave everything behind to do it. You just have to believe in yourself. Take a small step forward today and another one tomorrow, and never quit believing in yourself.

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In the next few weeks, I’m going to follow my own advice and launch my book, Marginal. For me to be successful, I’ll need your help. I don’t have a large publisher promoting my book, so I’ll need as much social media sharing as possible. If you feel compelled to buy the book – it will be available on Amazon – I would appreciate it more than you can probably imagine. If you like the book, please post a review on Amazon and share it on social media. Everything helps. And, if you want to do something similar, please reach out. I’ll do everything I can to help.

Are You Anxious About Being Anxious?

Last week, one of my clients invited me to visit her office, and my reaction, like always whenever I consider going someplace new, was immediate anxiety. I’m not anxious about how she will react to my obvious handicap – I got over that fear decades ago. Now, I just worry if I can navigate the terrain.

Anxiety like that is something that I experience almost daily. Because I’m prone to falls, I must be cautious, and avoid unnecessary risks, but, because I need to experience life, I also must be courageous enough to accept some risk. It’s that fine line that creates the anxiety, and it’s something that all of us face to some degree. The greater challenge is not becoming anxious about being anxious.

There is risk any time we leave our comfort zones. When we apply for a job, ask someone out for a date or try something new, we expose ourselves to risk, and that creates anxiety. Leaving our comfort zones is also necessary to living a full and rewarding life, so we must be willing to accept some risk. Unfortunately, we often choose to avoid risk at any cost, because we know that anxiety comes with any risk, and we don’t want to be anxious.

When we become anxious about being anxious, we slowly strangle the joy out of our lives. The pandemic we lived through a few years back was a stark reminder of that. During that weird time, “experts” recommended, and actually enforced, anxiety. Don’t leave your home unless absolutely necessary, they told us, and if you do leave your home, limit your contact with other people. Some of us heeded that warning, while others accepted whatever risk they were comfortable with, and continued to live their lives. Though I tended toward the latter, I eventually quit looking forward to travel and other outings, as I didn’t want to expose myself to worrying about something getting in the way of those plans. I had become anxious about being anxious.

I experienced something similar with a goal I have had for some time. For the past couple of years, I have wanted to publish a book that I have written once and revised countless times, but publishing a book brings enormous risk and anxiety. It’s much easier to nurture the dream of writing a successful novel than it is to actually put the work out there and see how others react, so I have procrastinated with that final step while obsessively editing the manuscript. I became anxious about being anxious, and that has held me back for far too long.

Inspired by a friend who published his first novel last year, I recently changed my thinking and took the next step by hiring a professional to help me finally put my work into print. Now, I’m not only risking my ego, I’m also risking a significant financial investment. With my money, time and ego tied up in the project, I’m anxious, but no longer anxious about being anxious, and that’s liberating. If all goes according to plan, my book, Marginal, should be available for purchase by the end of the year. It might not win me a Pulitzer or land on a best sellers list, but it wouldn’t even have a chance if I didn’t risk the anxiety that is coming my way.

Our time on this earth is limited, and we shouldn’t limit our enjoyment of that time with unnecessary anxiety. Take that trip. Apply for that dream job. Try a new hobby. Share a hidden talent. Start that business. Things might not work out the way you want, but then again, they might! You’ll never know unless you try. Don’t let anxiety about being anxious keep you from trying.

Monday Morning Musings from the Emergency Room

It was a Monday morning, and though I wasn’t thinking about it, I probably needed the attitude adjustment that was about to come. Just an hour into my work week, I stood up from my desk and took a few steps to pour myself some water from the sink, but I never made it to the sink. Instead, I tripped and fell flat on my face, literally. The blood falling in large drops on the floor told me that this wasn’t going to be an average Monday.

Like many people, perhaps even you, my attitude is lackluster on Monday mornings. Enjoying time with family and friends, and the absence of structure, I’m much happier on the weekends than when facing the structure and pressures of the work week. That, plus the realization that I’m as far away from the weekend as I can get, make Monday mornings a struggle. On this particular Monday morning, a few weeks ago, the struggle was intensified.

Fortunately, I work from home, and my wife was home with me, though she was outside tending to her garden. It was my four-year-old granddaughter who heard the commotion and came to check on me. She’s a sharp little girl, and I’m thankful for that, because she was able to go outside and get Lynda. I’m also thankful that my wife is a physician assistant who sees lacerations often during her work at a primary clinic. Despite my protests and pleas that she pop some staples in my head, like she’s done before, she insisted that I go to the emergency room to get fixed up in a sterile environment. It’s a Monday morning, she said, they shouldn’t be busy.

They were VERY busy. Not only was the waiting room full, there were three ambulances in the bay, presumably carrying patients with larger concerns than the large vertical gash I sported on my forehead, so I settled into one of the few empty seats, and began my wait. At my urging, Lynda and Presley left to run some errands. Not only do I struggle with Monday mornings, patience while waiting is also a weakness; however, I felt a calmness that day.

I didn’t have a phone or TV to entertain me, and the sparse newspaper that I bled all over didn’t take me long to read, so I was left with my thoughts and observations. All around me were people awaiting treatment and their loved ones who were trying to comfort them. Two young families with fathers who looked absolutely miserable were among the crowd. One carried a plastic pitcher as a safety net, in case he couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time to vomit. The other seemed to be suffering from a migraine or some other intense head pain. Both wives rubbed their husbands’ backs and encouraged them.

I didn’t find comfort seeing strangers suffering, but I found peace in the love and faith that filled the waiting room, and I was reminded that I’m not the only one with health struggles. Because I work from home, I often don’t see anyone but my family and the gym crowd during the week, and I rarely see anyone with a worse physical handicap than I have. Sitting in that waiting room, I began to realize that I had inadvertently became kind of smug in my ability to handle my daily struggles.

Struggle is universal. We’re all going to face it, if we haven’t already, and it’s often unpleasant. However, with the right attitude, we can put struggle in its proper place – as a part of life, but not a limiter of life. Ironically, my trip to the emergency room actually improved my attitude that Monday morning. It realigned my perspective and made me realize that my normal Monday morning self-pity was unnecessarily limiting my appreciation of the opportunities that possibly awaited me in the new week.

If you’re struggling today or any day, take a few minutes to reflect in gratitude and to remind yourself that you’re not alone, but that it’s up to you to find the right attitude to put the struggles behind you.

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For those keeping score, this is my second trip to the emergency room to get my head stitched up. One more, and the next one’s free! With the 26 stitches I got that day, plus multiple staples Lynda has added at home, my head is starting to look like a jigsaw puzzle, but I keep plugging along. Have a great day!

Student-Athlete Criticism from a Parent’s Perspective

There was an illegal procedure called on the field, and the inebriated commentator seated a couple rows behind me was quick with her analysis. “Whenever there’s an illegal procedure called, it’s almost always the center’s fault.” It wasn’t the first time she shared her commentary with the entire section, but this one got my attention because my son was the center, starting his first home game on national television as a redshirt freshman.

I’ve been thinking about that moment lately, as we near the start of the college football season, a time of year when fans across the nation lose their minds over a game played by young men just a few years removed from getting their driver’s licenses. Now, before the first snap, everyone loves the players on their team. Once the games start, however, some of those same players become idiots, worthless, losers and much worse, when profanities are included.

While I can appreciate the passion of fans, I’m really bothered when that passion devolves into derision, especially since I had an inside view into what goes on behind the scenes with college football players. Playing college football, especially at the highest level, is a full-time job for these guys, and when you factor in school, it’s much more. That’s when everything is going well. Injuries, relationship problems, being homesick – any number of things – can make things even more difficult.

The physical challenges are obvious, but most critics are completely unaware or oblivious of the mental challenges facing athletes. I saw that recently, when a star player for the big team in my state left the team, saying he just wasn’t into football any longer. Some fans on the message boards I frequent opined about the player’s toughness, stamina and ambition. To them, the player’s self-awareness was subjugated to their desire to see him on the field entertaining them. Such thinking relegates student-athletes to gladiators, and that’s just wrong.

 The quarterback my son played with in college, a redshirt freshman getting his first starts with my son, received vile message from “fans,” after losing that first home game to a nationally ranking Washington State team led by the late coach Mike Leach. This quarterback had taken over for Josh Allen, who became an All-Pro with the Buffalo Bills, and these “fans” were upset that he wasn’t playing at that level. To express their anger, they sent him messages not only criticizing his performance, but also suggesting that he kill himself. Imagine being a nineteen-year-old, already upset with the loss, receiving messages like that.

Fortunately, most fans are rational and keep their negative comments to themselves. Unfortunately, they are often overshadowed by the crude behavior of others. Most of us have heard it often enough that we’re numb to it or perhaps we’re forgiving because we’ve muttered some of that negativity ourselves. I did, before I was able to see things from a parent’s perspective.

Now, when I hear negative comments about any athlete, I try to counter the criticism with perspective and to humanize the subject of the criticism. If you haven’t played at that level and you don’t know the athlete personally, how could you ever appreciate what they’re going through? Even more, how would you feel if someone said that about your son?

Football is in the past for my son and our family. Like most college athletes, his career didn’t culminate at the professional level. Instead, he’s out in the real world, trying to make his mark as a family man and a professional. That’s where most of the athletes we so harshly criticize go, while their critics carry on their antics. Though I wanted to, I didn’t try to correct my son’s critic that afternoon in the stands. Instead, I try to do that with myself and the people I know, and I hope others do the same, until it’s no longer socially acceptable.

Try That in a Small Town

I was fortunate to be born and raised in a small town. In fact, the hospital where I took my first breath is about five blocks from my childhood home and about seven blocks from my grandparents’ home, which was on the opposite end of town, but a small town is about much more than limited acreage.

A small town is about self-reliance and pride. It’s about looking out for each other. It’s about doing the right thing, because EVERYONE is watching. For these reasons and many more, I have a difficult time understanding the criticism of Jason Aldean’s song, “Try That in a Small Town,” and its official video.

Some critics accuse Aldean of promoting violence and racism, but they miss the point. The violence in the video didn’t happen in a small town. It happened in large towns, and was committed by people who live in those towns. It’s not that violence like that can’t happen in a small town; it’s just very unlikely to happen in a small town, because people who act like that generally don’t live in small towns. In fact, people who act like that don’t want to live in a small town, because small towns won’t tolerate behavior like that. I was fortunate to grow up in a community that taught me those lessons.

One of my first childhood transgressions took place in Ms. Alta Landon’s fourth-grade classroom. She had left the room for a few minutes, and while she was gone, I put a tack on her chair. After returning to my seat, I was overwhelmed with guilt, and was in the process of standing up to retrieve the tack when she entered the room and chewed me out for not sitting in my chair. Fortunately for both of us, one of my classmates stopped her from sitting on the tack. Not so fortunate for me, she also pointed out the offender.

I was subsequently led by my ear to the principal’s office where Mr. Wentz showed me a paddle that had holes in it, so wind resistance wouldn’t interfere with corporal punishment. He didn’t use the paddle on me. Instead, he did much worse – he called my parents at work, and left me to ponder my fate for the rest of the school day. I don’t remember the full extent of my punishment at home, but I remember that it ended with me walking across the street to apologize in person to my neighbor who also happened to be my fourth-grade teacher. That’s small-town justice.

Small-town justice relies on an offender’s conscious to mete out punishment. In the case of the tack, I knew that I had disappointed my parents with my attempt at a misguided prank. What’s worse, my behavior reflected badly on my family, including my grandparents, and my parents made sure that I knew that. By the time I walked across the street to beg for forgiveness, my conscious had me feeling pretty low. For her part, Ms. Landon was gracious in accepting my apology, and even gave me an apple as a peace offering. That’s small-town justice.

That experience didn’t prevent me from pushing boundaries during my childhood, but it stuck in my mind and kept me from committing more malicious acts. In a small town, people watch how you act, and they treat you accordingly. If I didn’t want a bad reputation and the consequences that come with that, I needed to treat people with respect. That’s what missing in much of the world these days, and I think that was Aldean’s point with the song.

It’s not that parents in larger cities don’t teach their children respect. It’s that there isn’t as much pressure in larger communities to act with respect. Instead, we tend to tolerate and even excuse disrespectful behavior. In a small town, disrespectful behavior will quickly get you ostracized, and when you see the same small group of people frequently, you don’t want to be ostracized.

I doubt that Ms. Landon would have much in common with Jason Aldean, but I also strongly suspect that she would appreciate the message in “Try That in a Small Town.” While it’s unfortunate that such understanding isn’t universal, there are enough of us who get it to make a difference. You don’t have to live in or be from a small town to understand the importance of respectful behavior, but it certainly helps.