Focus Forward in 2023

For the past six years, any time I wanted to relive the thrill of watching my son win a wrestling state championship, all I had to do was dial it up on my DVR. I didn’t do it often – usually only when a guest was visiting and the subject came up in conversation – but it was nice to have that option. That changed last month when my DVR quit working.

I knew that the media I had stored on that device wasn’t permanent, but that was a reality that I mostly ignored. When the DVR started showing signs of trouble, I tried to ignore the threat of potential loss. I even had a technician come out and try to save it, but to no avail. He did what he could, and was even able to get it working again, but he also told me that the end was near and that I should quickly watch whatever was important to me, because it would likely quit working completely any day. A few days later, it did.

Both of our children have worked hard and achieved some tremendous accomplishments, but my son was an athlete who accomplished some of that success in front of television cameras. That’s what was on the DVR. In addition to the wrestling match, the DVR held the ESPN broadcast of his first college football start, as well as other memorable games, and local broadcasts of his letter-of-intent signing day and highlights of some of his high school games. Though I still carry those memories and know that I can find other sources to revisit them, I felt like something had changed, and after reflection, I now see that it needed to change.

 I was keeping the past within easy reach, and that made it too easy to look behind when I should be focusing on what’s in front of me. As we age, I think that it becomes increasingly more difficult to focus on the present and future and to resist the temptation to bask in our hand-selected memories. That certainly happened to me.

At 52, I’m well past middle age. My children are out of the house and on the cusp of rewarding careers, but their successes now happen away from my purview. The way that my life is shaped now, there really aren’t a lot of DVR-worthy moments ahead for me, and reliving the past gave me a respite from those realities.

Reliving the past can also hold you back if you overdo it. I let that happen to me in 2022. Though I experienced a lot of great moments last year, few were registered in the professional and health columns. Furthermore, I still haven’t shaken the negative ways that COVID affected my attitude. Because I was frustrated in the moment and anxious about the future, I devoted too much effort looking behind me and not enough looking in front.

My writing suffered the most. After ten years of publishing a monthly blog entry, I published only three in 2022. The manuscript that I spent three years writing and that I want to put into print sat untouched the entire year, as did a second novel that I had started in 2021. I moved almost nothing forward in 2022.

That’s going to change in 2023. I don’t want to look back on another year with regret. This will be the first of at least 12 blog entries, and if you are so inclined, you should be able to read my first book by the end of the year. To accomplish all of that, writing and the self-reflection it inspires will need to be part of my daily routine.

All of that means that I will have little time to spend in the past, and that’s a good thing. My remaining years won’t give me much to look back on, if I don’t focus my effort on making them count.

I want to thank all of my loyal readers for your support and patience, and encourage you to keep your focus forward in 2023. While it’s acceptable to cherish memories, it’s impossible to move forward efficiently, if you continuously look behind you.

Ways to Make Yourself Happy and Hopeful in 2021

Toward the end of 2020, I saw and heard many people eager to leave 2020 behind, and given the ugliness and frustration that happened last year, it’s easy to understand why. What wasn’t easy to understand though was the fantasy that we would awake on January 1, and everything would be OK. Things are only OK when we decide that they’re OK.

We lose control of our destinies when we tie hope and happiness to turning the calendar page, the election of our preferred candidate or something else over which we have no control.

To control our destinies, we must make ourselves happy and hopeful, and that requires constant attention and effort. To do that, these are the things I remind myself daily.

You are not responsible for, and in most cases, not affected by, the world’s problems. I know that can sound ignorant and naïve, but I see a lot of people walking around thinking that the world is ending. Yes, we have seen better days, but we have also seen darker days. We can’t be happy if we internalize problems that are beyond our control or those that don’t directly affect us. To determine if you’re unintentionally doing this, consider what is bothering you and if you can do anything about it. If you can’t do anything about the problem, move on.

Leave negativity behind. This includes negative influences, thoughts and even people. You can’t live a long and healthy life while consuming a toxic diet. When you’re feeling negative, look at what is happening around you. Is your social media jammed with negative news and snarky comments? If that’s the case, take a break or prune the negative content from your feeds. Are there people around you who spend most of their time and energy spreading negative ideas? If you can’t redirect them, move away from them.

Exude positivity. Positivity, like negativity, often ricochets and comes right back at you even faster. It’s a lot more pleasant to be hit with a smile and kind words than with a scowl and bitter complaining. Positive people stand out. Greet those around with a smile and encouraging words. When someone casually and instinctually asks you how you’re doing, use that opportunity to exude positivity. Instead of a blah response like “fine” or “good,” respond with something memorable, like “awesome,” “incredible,” or “blessed,” and say it with energy and a smile. No one is really expecting an honest response, so don’t feel guilty if you overstate your mood. You’re looking for that positive ricochet, not a medal for honesty.

Focus your thoughts on your blessings, not on your problems. I just spent the last three days trapped in my house, because the world outside is covered in a wintery mess that would likely drop me in my tracks if I dared to take a step outside. I was frustrated that I couldn’t go to the gym or anywhere else, but rather than focusing on that, I thought about all that I could enjoy and accomplish within my four walls, and I reminded myself that the situation was temporary. That made being shut in a lot easier to accept.

Lastly, control what you can control, and accept that you can’t control everything. You can’t control the weather, the economy or the politics of the world, but you can always control your effort and your attitude, and in most cases, that’s enough.

As you know by now, January 1 wasn’t much different than December 31. In fact, the first couple of weeks of 2021 looked a lot like the most challenging weeks of 2020. Shrug that off, and remind yourself that you survived the adversity that last year presented, so you have a history of success when facing trying times. If you do that and take a proactive approach to your happiness and hopefulness, 2021 can be your best year yet.

Balance Achievements and Enjoyments To Have a Great Year

Over dinner on New Year’s Eve, my family discussed our individual evaluations of 2018. The unfiltered (occasionally brutal) honesty that seems to be part of our shared DNA made for a lively, insightful conversation, and showed a diversity of perspectives around the table.

Rather than simply asking, how was your year, I suggested that we rate our years on a scale from one to ten, with ten being the highest. I didn’t suggest criteria for a ranking, and each of us used something different. The rankings ranged from seven to nine. (I had the highest, but I also had a second glass of wine in front of me.)

The exercise of ranking a year is revealing because it forces you to decide what’s important and to judge how you approached the things that are important to you.

I assessed my year by these criteria (in no particular order): health, time with family and friends, time enjoying hobbies and travel, and my professional performance. Basically, were my achievements in line with my expectations, and did I take the time to enjoy my blessings?

Were my achievements in line with my expectations? This is where I factored in health and professional performance. This is the first year in several where I finished the year in a much better physical state than I did the year before. My progress is mostly related to adopting a keto lifestyle. I had always been faithful in my exercise routine, but 2018 was the year that I decided to do something about my diet. By cutting carbs and incorporating more healthy food, I have lost 25 pounds and vastly reduced the inflammation that was causing me joint pain. The results have encouraged me to make the diet a lifestyle.

Professionally, I was very fortunate. I’m not sure that I worked any harder, but a strong economy and some good breaks yielded a year that beat the rather ambitious goal I set for myself at the beginning of the year. Since I can’t control the economy or the breaks that helped my year, I’ll likely need to work harder next year to match or exceed those results.

Did I take the time to enjoy my blessings? Too often, we focus strictly on performance when evaluating ourselves. Just as important is taking the time to appreciate and enjoy the blessings of our lives. After all, why work hard professionally and personally, if you’re not going to take the time to enjoy the results? I’m usually pretty good at enjoying life, and this year was no different. Of course, it helps that I have a very supportive family. Hunting was the only area that I neglected this year. I will make more time in 2019 to enjoy this passion.

Though they all had some remarkable achievements in 2018, the three others around the table were more critical of their years. In their evaluations, each of them had emphasized achievements over enjoyments, and they weren’t quite happy with what they achieved. Many of the things that kept them from satisfaction were outside their control, and I suggested that outside, uncontrollable factors should not be part of the evaluation.

A lot will happen in 2019. Some of it will work in our favor, and some of it won’t. Most of it will influence our experiences and results. The challenge is to focus on what we can control, and to take the time to enjoy our blessings. Have a great year.

What Have You Done?

Most people, unless they are actively searching for a new job, don’t have an updated resume. I hear this several times each day when I contact candidates, and each time, I encourage them to take the time to update their resumes, even if they are not looking for a new job. I believe that the exercise is useful for everyone, even if you are not in the professional world or looking for a job

Creating a resume or updating an existing resume forces you to recall your activities and accomplishments to date. The process shines a spotlight on your blessings and gives you a visual representation of your progress toward your goals.

But what if you’re not a professional?

You don’t have to be a professional to have accomplishments and activities. My long-since-retired in-laws keep track of the countries they have visited. You might keep track of the miles you walked or books you read. That might seem insignificant how, but if you keep track and keep updating, you’ll see the significance.

If you are a professional, having an updated resume will help you respond quickly to opportunities with windows that might be open only a short while. Many people will tell me that they don’t plan to change positions any time soon, if ever. I tell them that their employers might not have the same plans. Management changes. Companies are acquired. Many things can happen that can jeopardize what you see as a secure position.

How to Do It

Resumes of both professionals and non-professionals should begin with a summary about who you are. Mine is: Began as a teacher. Became an entrepreneur with a passion for sales. Occasionally, a motivational speaker. Usually, an innovative, relentless problem-solver. Always, a dedicated father and husband.

The summary, like the opening chapter of a good novel, should inspire the reader to read further. Follow that with a chronology of your positions, starting with the most recent. List your title, where you worked, the dates you worked there and a few of your main duties and accomplishments. The more specific you can be, the better.

This works for non-professionals too. If you don’t have a title or an employer, create one. As an example: retired engineer employed by wife to run errands, mow the lawn and answer the phone. If you’re not using your resume to advance your career, it doesn’t have to be serious. Other information that can be included here are volunteer activities or nice things that you’ve done for others. When you see it on paper, you might be surprised how much good you have done.

Next, list your education, even if it is School of Hard Knocks. Be sure to add any seminars or specific training you received.

Lastly, list your awards and accomplishments. Not everyone can call themselves a Rhodes Scholar, but don’t short-change smaller achievements like the dean’s list or employee of the month awards.

Non-professionals, you can have a little fun with this. If you won a bowling trophy in your 20s, go ahead and list that. If you never won anything, make something up. In my house, I hold the record for continuous hours spent in the basement watching football. Until my son beat my record, I also achieved the longest nap in a recliner.

Maybe it’s because we’re humble or uncomfortable talking about our successes, but too few of us take the time to quantify who we are and what we have done. Consider using these last few weeks of the year to catch up with your activities and accomplishments. If you don’t like what you see, make plans to correct that in the new year. If you are proud of what you have done, do more of it.

Regret and Resolve – A Different Kind of New Year’s Hangover

Many people wake up a day or two after New Year’s Day with a familiar but different type of hangover. They often experience the same hangover each year at the same time, but do nothing to prevent it. While headaches and upset stomachs are symptoms of alcohol-induced hangovers, the hangover I’m talking about is marked by regret and resolve, and it’s caused by misusing the previous year.

People suffering from this type of hangover call my office seeking a professional change, and they clog up my gym as they seek a physical change. Both happen much more frequently at the beginning of the year and all but disappear by summer. Why is that?

New Year – New Day

Despite the weather in most locales, January is a time of hope and optimism. Many have just spent at least a few moments in introspection through the holidays, and few are completely happy with the results of the past year. The new year represents an opportunity to erase past failures and to make positive changes. That’s what drives people to pick up the phone and call me.

My role as a recruiter, AKA headhunter, is to find my clients the talent they need in order to be successful. This puts me in touch with highly talented and successful people every day of the work week. Most tell me that they’re not interested in a professional change, but I believe that many of them are being dishonest. They might desire a change, but they aren’t ready to commit to one. Often, when are ready to commit to a change, weeks, months or years later, the opportunity I brought to them isn’t available.

Making a change is difficult. Try sitting in a different spot at church or in a classroom or meeting room. Most of us, myself included, don’t want to do it. We sit where we sit, and that is it. Moving from our traditional spot exposes us to uncertainty, and uncertainty is almost always uncomfortable. When we struggle with a discomfort as benign as switching seats, how are we going to do when facing a much more daunting discomfort, like switching jobs? Most of us are going to say that we’re not interested and continue on our not-so-merry way.

When we resist making changes that we think might benefit us, we might successfully avoid discomfort, but we can’t dodge regret. We might condition ourselves to live with regret, but it doesn’t go away without change. Most of us will wait until the discomfort of regret exceeds the discomfort of change before we will commit to change.

The people who call me in January seeking a professional change didn’t just wake up and realize that they needed to do something different in order to achieve their goals; they have likely been contemplating the call for months or maybe even years before they actually pick up the phone. The new year on the calendar simply amplified the discomfort of regret. We shouldn’t have to wait for a new year to create a better situation for ourselves.

Each day represents an opportunity to make positive changes, and there are many more new days than new years. Instead of setting a New Year’s resolution, consider setting a New Day’s Resolution. If you woke up this morning still suffering from the regret hangover, do something today to make tomorrow’s morning better. You won’t regret it.

Will You Be Doing THAT Next Year?

Traditionally, I start the new year off with a New Year’s resolution column, but I didn’t do it this year. Not that I don’t think resolutions aren’t important – it was a resolution that started this blog – it’s that very few people seem interested in those columns. Those that I’ve written rank near the bottom in page views by my readership. It seems that not many want to think about resolutions. Why’s that?

Resolutions reflect change, and that makes most of us very uncomfortable. Even though we know that we have room for growth, and most of want to grow, nearly all of us want to avoid the discomfort of change. This makes it difficult for us to even start the process of living up to our New Year’s resolutions. It’s like we’re standing at the base of a beautiful mountain that we’ve always wanted to climb, but fear of the journey keeps us from taking the first step.

I’ve found that the best way to motivate positive change is to project a year or so ahead. To follow the mountain analogy, picture yourself either at the top or nearing the top of the mountain. Then, picture yourself looking down at your former self who still hasn’t moved. While you might be sore and a little tired from the journey, your former self is in even worse condition – filled with envy and regret – seeing where he could have been if only he had started the journey.

Take that thought to your professional situation. Are you where you were last year, standing at the bottom of the mountain? Is it where you want to be? Is it where you want to be next year? For most of us, the answers to those questions are yes, no and no, but that reality is not easy to admit.

Every day, as a recruiter, I talk to people who are dishonest about their career satisfaction. Although employment surveys tell us that nearly half of all employees are considering a job change, few will admit to it and even fewer will pursue the change, because they don’t want to invite that discomfort into their lives. It’s a lot easier to stand at the bottom of the mountain and watch someone else put themselves through the discomfort of the climb. If they slip and fall, you can pat yourself on the back for standing still. The problem is: standing gets you nowhere.

We can choose comfort and regret or discomfort and growth in almost all aspects of our lives. For several years, I planned to join Toastmasters to work on my public speaking. Months and years passed with me standing at the bottom of the mountain before I sought out a club near my office. The pain of regret finally overtook the allure of comfort, and I decided to give up one lunch per week and the hours needed to prepare my speeches, in order to achieve the personal growth that I desired. Less than a year in, I was able to look down from that mountain and be thankful that I wasn’t still standing at the bottom.

Try that with something that you have been intending to do. Send a resume to that company you’ve admired for a position you’ve desired. Enroll in a college program that you know is key to your professional goals. Join a gym and start sculpting the body that you’ll be proud to see in the mirror. When next year comes, be standing ON the mountain, not at the bottom.

 

Note: This entry marks the sixth year of my commitment to writing a monthly blog. For 60 consecutive months, I’ve written at least one column, publishing it on the Monday closest to the 15^th. I’ve truly enjoyed the exercise, and the encouragement that I get from readers keeps me banging away at the keyboard. Thanks for the support.

New Year’s Resolution? Uh, Try Again!

Did you already blow your New Year’s resolution? Didn’t even bother to make one this year? You’re not alone, but it’s not too late.

According to a study by the University of Scranton, published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology in 2014:

• 25% of people who make New Year’s resolutions maintain them less than one week
• another 4% make it just one more week
• by the end of the first month, 36% have given up
• at six months, just 46% are still adhering to the promises they made to themselves at the beginning of the year
• only 8 percent remain committed to their resolutions for the entire year.

Fewer than half of us even try.

If you have beaten the odds, and your resolution remains intact, congratulations! Don’t quit. If you haven’t made a resolution or it hasn’t worked out for you, hope is not lost, if you don’t let failure intimidate you into a resolution-free year.

While the beginning of the year is a good time to start a self-improvement mission, it’s not the only time, and just because you dropped the ball early, the game can continue, if you pick it back up. 300-plus days is too long to wait to try again.

First, we need to acknowledge that failure isn’t exclusive to us. The statistics above bear that out. When we try something that is new to us, like dieting or budgeting our money, we’re stepping away from the comfort of familiarity, we’re pushing our boundaries and we’re exposing ourselves to failure. These are good things, because they help us grow and enhance our experiences.

In strength-training parlance, this is called the last set (* explanation below), and I’ve been teaching my son about it. When you have pushed yourself hard in previous sets, it’s tempting to take it easy on the last set, which is exactly the wrong thing to do, because the last set is when the most development happens. The last set should have a success rate of less than 50%. This is when you add more weight than you know you can lift, and though you’ve never done it before, you convince yourself that you can lift it.

Patrick gets mad when he doesn’t get all the reps in his last set, but I assure him that he accomplished more by trying and failing than he would have by lifting a comfortable weight. Besides, he can try again during the next workout. When he does get all of the reps, the sense of accomplishment motivates future workouts. He experiences growth and success when he exposes himself to failure.

Second, we need to accept that failure isn’t synonymous with defeat. Famous inventor Thomas Edison was fond of saying, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” If you didn’t exercise three times per week, like you said you would at the beginning of the year, don’t give up. Just figure out why you didn’t exercise as consistently as you would like. Do you need to do a better job of scheduling your time? Do you need to go to bed earlier? Do you need to work on your motivation? Repeat the cycle of planning, trying, evaluating and trying again, until you are successful.

Lastly, find some way of optimizing accountability. Many of us find it much easier to make excuses to ourselves than to make them to others. I’m guilty of this one, so I tell my wife what I have resolved to do, and you better believe that she holds me accountable. Not only will she quiz me about my progress toward my goals, she has trained our kids to do it too. I often write, even when I don’t feel like it, because I know that someone is going to ask me about it during dinner that night, and it’s a lot more pleasant to talk about progress than it is to make excuses.

If you are more comfortable keeping your resolutions private, it’s still important to optimize accountability. Writing down your goals and tracking your progress in writing is a very good way to do this, and my good friend Jeff Beals has some excellent advice to help with this, in his recent column, This Is Why You Don’t Accomplish All Your Goals.

New Year’s resolutions have helped many achieve goals that were previously out of their reach and to achieve them more quickly than they otherwise would have. The self-improvement opportunity that a resolution provides is much too powerful to limit to an annual event or to abandon because of an early mistake. Make this year as good as it can possibly be by resolving to do something that you know you need to do.

* Most strength-training sessions consist of sets of repetitions of a particular exercise, with short rests between. As an example, an athlete might do two sets of ten repetitions of a leg press, i.e. he does ten leg presses followed by a break, followed by ten more leg presses.

“Stage” your New Year’s Resolution Now!

Drag racing is an incredible sensory sport. You not only see the race, you feel it, hear it, taste it and smell it. This is especially true when the most powerful cars – those burning nitromethane rather than gasoline – prepare for their runs.

Drag racers prepare for their quarter-mile runs by staging burn-outs at the starting line. Revving their engines and spinning their tires, they put on a spectacular show for their fans, but the smoke, noise and vibration have a practical purpose too. It gives the crews a last chance to make sure that everything is connected and responding properly, and just as importantly, that the tires have enough traction – stick – to transform torque into speed. If a dragster attempted his run with cold tires that hadn’t been heated by spinning at the starting line, his tires would slip when he jammed on the accelerator, and his opponent would leave him in the dust.

A similar thing often happens with New Year’s resolutions. We come to the starting line with cold tires, jam on the accelerator, and our best intentions get us nowhere. We create a lot of noise and smoke, but we don’t reach our goals, because we didn’t properly prepare ourselves.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Research shows that, though nearly half of us set New Year’s resolutions, only 8-12% succeed.

Reasons for failure are many. Some people have yet to develop the discipline to stick to a goal. Yet others set unrealistic goals, while still others set proper goals, but fail to plan properly for their execution.

I believe that many fail, because they get discouraged when they sense failure and recognize that as the beginning of the end of yet another resolution. After all, most of us fail most of the time when attempting a resolution. If this happens to us every year, we have to do something different to give ourselves a better chance of success.

This year, consider starting your New Year’s resolution in the last month or so of the year. Think of it as heating your tires before officially arriving at the starting line. When you wake up on New Year’s Day, you’ll be more prepared than ever to finally achieve a New Year’s resolution.

As an example, consider what is likely the most common resolution set at the beginning of the year, losing weight. Instead of waiting, like most people do until they’re bloated from overeating during the holidays, start your diet on Thanksgiving Day. Sure, dieting during the holidays isn’t easy, but if you are to achieve your goal by December 31 of the next year, you are going to have to learn to moderate intake during that time anyway. Imagine the confidence you’ll gain if you prove to yourself that you can diet during the holidays. January and February will fly by, and when the holidays roll around at the end of the next year, you will know how to avoid temptations.

Of course, many of us will fail early during the resolution period. Get that out of the way in the last few weeks of the year. Think of it like the drag racer staging before he inches up to the starting line. It’s far better to discover a lose cable in the moments before the race than after the green flag drops.

My resolution for 2014 is to write more consistently, at least one page per day. It’s not all that hard when I have a nice quiet day in the office and write consistently over the weekend. Unfortunately, I rarely have a nice quiet day in the office, and writing rarely wiggles into my weekend. To get seven pages per week, I have to track my pace and plan accordingly.

Because I want to start 2014 on pace and with a plan, I started working on the resolution during the last two weeks of October. I created a spreadsheet with an inventory of the writing projects I have underway. On each line is also the page count and date of the last time I spent time working on the project. The spreadsheet keeps an automatic tally of my output each time I update the day’s work.

I am not on the page-per-day pace yet, but I’m a lot closer than I was a few weeks ago, and I’m completing projects more quickly, because I’m organized and my pace is improving. When January 1 rolls around, I will have positioned myself for success. Will you?